Changes again
March 4th, 2009
I have put off writing this for weeks. I just couldn’t face it, but it has to be done sooner or later.
My Australian walk isn’t happening. In short, my second book is coming out in October this year (which is really great news, and I am very happy about) but which also means I have a lot of editing to do, not to mention publicity stuff when it actually comes out. I was getting increasingly stressed about how to combine the two, as I had hoped to have the book out slightly earlier which meant I would have had it all done before I left.
But sometimes things are not to be. I have absolutely wonderful publishers who are incredibly supportive of me and what I do, and they have bent over backwards to put the book out this year to free me up so if I want to, I can walk next year.
I don’t know how I feel anymore.
On one hand, I want to walk more than anything. Some days I wake up just craving that space and solitude, the rhythm of desert days.
But time away, time with myself, and lots of long beach walks have made me question exactly why I want to do this one. I was unable to pull together the finance that would have made the students’ trip work, and without that, the walk seemed an empty thing. Maybe it has been the bushfire tragedy that has struck so many places close to my heart, but somehow for the first time my desire to walk just seemed – selfish.
There are a lot of things I want to do in life; not least write lots of books, about all sorts of things, not just myself and walking (thank god, I hear you all say). I also want to have children.
At this point I have to step back and ask myself if doing another long trek is the right thing for me. I remember, long ago, when I was in between desert walks, my Dad asked me: “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you do?” Without a moment’s pause, I said: “I would be back on my walk before you could blink.” And I knew it was true, knew that right then, all I wanted was that walk.
I asked myself the same question yesterday, walking along the beach. If I won lottery tomorrow, what would I do?
And I thought: I would buy myself somewhere really nice to write, and spend the next few years churning out all the book ideas that have been brewing in my head in the time that I have been walking.
And that really made me think.
Because if walking is no longer the first thing that pops into my head, then maybe that is why it is not working out for me to do it right now. And if that is the case – then I need to focus on what IS the right thing for me to do.
Maybe all of this sounds weird and hippy trippy, but I am a great believer in doing the right thing for yourself, and I reserve the right to change what that thing is. Five years ago, it was right for me to set off with a backpack and walk 12000km.
Now, maybe it is time to hang up my sandals, and get on with other things.
I am undecided. And the Sahara still sits in the back of my head like an unfinished book. The Australian deserts still call out, and I am still drawn to that walk, the walk in my own country.
But I fly out of Broome in a couple of days and back to Melbourne (bleeuuggh) – although of course I get to be with Graeme and the kids, which is great. And I have the rest of this year to write more books, enjoy the launch of the second one, and think about whether or not I really need another long walk.
See, when I write that, I can’t bear to give it up…
I hope you stay in touch. I know it isn’t so exciting when there is no walk happening; but for now, it is what it is.
Entry Filed under: trekking
7 Comments Add your own
1. Joanne | March 17th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
You CAN only follow your HEART. Good on ya girl xxxxxx
2. Karin-Marijke | March 23rd, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Hi Paula,
Sounds like you’re making a profound decision and I feel with you in all the pros and cons that go through your mind. I especially recognise the words ‘I want to have children’ – some things are dictated by nature and put pressure where you don’t want it.
I agree with you that whatever felt good for you 5 years ago, may no longer more be the ‘right’ thing to do. It’s no use to continue the Sahara Walk because you set your mind to it 5 years ago. You age, you change, things happen in your life and it’s good to rethink all that.
For me this saying often helps when making a profound decision:
“It’s better to regret something I have done, than to regret something I haven’t done”.
Would you regret not doing this? You don’t need a clear yes or no answer – just follow the feeling in your stomach.
Of course you can listen to the same feeling it evokes when asking yourself ‘would I regret doing this’.
Just to give a helping hand, I hope.
Good luck in whatever you decide. I miss your walking stories though. Loved your book and await eagerly the next one!
Happy travelling,
Karin-Marijke
3. Ally | March 24th, 2009 at 3:45 am
Wow ur one amazing chick!
Who says you have to do another long treck??? Why not a short one say Melbourne to Canberra. Do it with a big group of people for the pure purpose of raising money for breast cancer. By doing that you can not think of yourself as selfish!!
Give it some thought!
I’m in if you decide to do it!!
Goodluck
Ally
4. Jules | April 13th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I had about two minutes to choose a book before boarding my flight. Your book jumped out at me as if I had no choice in the matter but to read it. 24 hours later I have finished reading your amazing story ( with an inspiring tear in my eye) and I just wanted to say thank you for being an inspiration and for proving that if you set your mind to it, anything is possible.
Good luck for whatever the future holds and rest a sure I will be awaiting your new book.
5. Belinda | April 15th, 2009 at 2:13 am
I travelled to Africa late 2007 and taught English in a volunteer programme in a Masai village. I devour all books to do with Africa and a friend lent me your book. I read it over two days,itis a great read and well written and captures you from the start. I think what you achieved is fantastic, brave and good on you for constantly re-evaluating. The one thing that struck me was your desire not to be controlled. So if you feel your walking days are up – then just don’t do it. You have achieved far more than most people achieve. And you have to do what is right for you. If you do it because some sense of obligation even to yourself then you will not be remaining true to your original passion. People change and grow that is the beauty of life. Keep up your writing – your book made me look up this site. Stay true to yourself.
Belinda
6. Maria | April 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Your book is an inspiritation and proves that one’s dreams can enable you to conquer any challenge. Nothing is impossible to the human spirit as long as you believe in yourself which you have done successfully. If you decide to leave the walk till later, so be it. Its your life’s adventure and your personal achievement not that of the world. You have proven that each of us can have a adventure with our lives and its time we stop postponing dreams and live and experience life outside our mundane lives. We just love being inspired by your courage and perseverance. The rest of your life outside the walk is also a journey and all journeys need to be taken, great and small. You will know when you heart is truly settled and feels that enough is enough. Until then, the flame will burn and calling will be there when you are ready to answer. The world is your oyster!
7. Liz | May 17th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Dear Paula
Absolutely loved your last book. Found it coincidently on my trip to Europe/Morocco this time last year.
Had special interest in your Morocco and Camino adventures.
I am heading off on my camino this September. Is there any chance that your next book would be available? I’l love to take it!
Hope all is well
Liz
(Melbourne)
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